


In Your Eyes

by kesselrunners



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Female Dean Winchester, Gen, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Trans Character, no i dont know whats going on here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 04:59:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3368741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kesselrunners/pseuds/kesselrunners
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sam thinks of his childhood he thinks of his sister. When he thinks of his adulthood he thinks of his brother. If he thinks about it, there's really not much difference between them after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This hasn't been beta'd, so I apologize for any mistake. I do not own Supernatural nor any of it's characters. I just love the idea of Fem!Dean and that idea then ran away with itself.

What Sam remembers most vividly from childhood is Deanna. Deanna with her curly, unruly hair and sparkling eyes. Deanna who, whenever their father was away, would spend hours in their crappy motel rooms making her army surplus wardrobe into dresses and skirts. Deanna who lifted cheap makeup from drugstores and loved messing around with it. Deanna with her impeccable fashion sense and sparkling eyes.

Sam remembers her sneaking out to parties and returning in the morning, lip gloss smeared and makeup under her eyes and a raging hangover, and how her eyes would still light up whenever she saw he was safe. He remembers how once when he was around ten, he came back from the arcade he had been saving up for for months and found Deanna making out with a red-haired girl on one of the beds. The girl immediately left, her face bright red, and a laughing Deanna had then given Sam The Talk.

He remembers how, during summer when Dad had them training day in and day out, Deanna’s hair had turned white blonde and her skin tanned and her face covered in freckles. She would make some stupid crack and laugh at her own joke until Dad came out and she snapped back into a whole other person. When Dad was around, Deanna was buried and she became Dad’s Soldier.

But what Sam remembers the most is how one morning she stumbled in and Dad had finished his hunt early. He was sitting on Deanna’s bed glaring at the door and once it opened, he stood, arms crossed and eyes deadly. Her face turned white when her eyes landed on him and John began shouting about responsibility and taking care of Sammy. Sam was behind John and he remembers feeling guilty and helpless as Dad chopped off Deanna’s hair and dumped her duffel, throwing the makeup and the clothes that she was so proud of into the dumpster behind the motel.

Sam left for Stanford that summer.

When Sam found someone breaking into Jess’s and his apartment four years later, his last thought was of Deanna. When whoever it was grinned and said, “Woah, easy tiger,” Sam’s first thought was of Deanna. But Deanna was not the muscular, broad-shouldered man beneath him. However, this man and Deanna had the same eyes, bright and piercing and green, which is what Sam said next only sort of surprised himself.

“Deanna?”

The man’s face closed off.

“It’s, uh, it’s Dean, now.”

“Oh, um, o-ok. Right.”

As they keep hunting after Jess, Sam gradually gets used to it and he can reconcile Deanna and Dean. Soon, Deanna and Dean are one and the same to Sam and he forgets there was ever any difference.

When Sam looks back, what he remembers most about his childhood is Deanna. What he remembers most about his adulthood is Dean. What Sam remembers most about them both is that he loves them and they love him.


End file.
